Becky's Big Adventure

Saturday September 22nd. $5 cover.
The last chance for salvation.
Dress colorful, rock out hard, chronify your memories.
Bass that muffles gods. The final dimension.

Lotus Boom.

Cali. State Police Issues Warrant for Gwonswaro: Wanted Dead or Alive

California State Police Dept has issued a warrant for one Bernhab Gwonswaro. Last seen on Sunday sept 22, as stated by witness, "lumbering intensely through a field of flowers like a mack truck mowing down a forest that shouldn't have fucking been there with international megastar Becky Bukah draped over his insanely buff and rugged foreign shoulders."

Character Description: Totally hot. Foreign. Charming. Terrifying. Rock hard abs. Chiseled ass. Excessive but perfectly maintained body hair. Extremely well endowed. Considered super fashionable in Europe. Often carries a gun. Struts like no other.

If anyone sees this man, please report to your local police on his whereabouts. Wanted dead or alive.
   -Deputy Dongle, Cali. State Police Dept.

Wow... you know, it happened to Lennon, and it happened to JFK....but who would have ever thought it would happen to Becky Bukah? Upon hearing the news of Becky's kidnapping and questionable death, enraged Bukah fans all over the globe have been found rioting and taking their anger to the streets. Many underground business interests have put a hefty price on Gwonswaro to be brought to them alive. Many of these interests wish to publicly destroy Gwonswaro upon capturing him. Gwonswaro is currently being held in San Quentin Prison for questioning as to Bukah's whereabouts. Bukah fans were shocked and appalled to learn that Gwonswaro has already managed to make illegal deals with many state and government officials regarding his safe leave from the country. As shown below, Gwonswaro is clearly no stranger to these situations and seems to be making a joke of the justice system. Upon detainment, Gwonswaro demanded to have at least one picture taken of him during the mugshot process in order to capture the "rogue stallion" side of him. He claimed that it would be completely unnacceptable and downright outrageous to deny his fans the right to his bod. Gwonswaro has publicly denied all claims about his association with international megastar Bukah and continues to chill hard in prison. Bukah fans are uniting all over the world in order to bring him down. San Quentin prison has reported a security breach as of 4am last night, reporting that countless crazy eyed Bukah fans stormed the prison gates and set fire to the walls in order to try and smoke Gwonswaro out. The attempt was thwarted soon after, due to necessary military involvement. 1486 fans are currently under arrest for involvement in the prison raid. A report following the incident stated that Gwonswaro had immediately seized the opportunity to use the raid as a diversion in order to swiftly sneak through prison security unnoticed. In Gwonswaro's cell, a lone white piece of lined paper was left on the floor by an attendant with the following scribbled onto it: Bernhab's BACK BITCH. And he ain't never EVER goin back to jail..." An obvious throwback to his critically acclaimed and international megahit released over the world wide web just months before. As a simple reporter, I can't help but feel helpless in this situation and that I can only hope for the best... My prayers are with you Becky... Only god can help you now. Or can your legion of die-hard, borderline maniacal fans reach far enough into your personal life to save you from the evil Bernhab? Alas, only time will tell.....

Gwonswaro's publicly released mugshot, taken at San Quentin Prison.

Official News Release Via Becky Comm Media

It's the moment you've all been chroning for. Becky Comm Media's very own Becky Bukah scored a super rare, exclusive interview with the universe-renowned god of sex and ecstasy, Illum. It seems the party vortex is slated to open on Saturday, June 23....can Becky please the almighty Illum's extreme demands in order to send our world spiraling into a vortex of endless drunken partying on this day? Watch the video below. You be the judge.

Approaching Party Vortex...

Hello party people. I am currently writing to you from the bottom of the bomblantic ocean... There is talk among my new sea mammal friends that some crazy galactic vortex is eating up the world, chunk by chunk...Pretty intense. IVE certainly never heard of anything like that before. On top of this, some more crazy news was recently released via BeckyComm News Satellites stating that people's radios all over the world, are picking up strange sounds from what most believe are coming from INSIDE the vortex...Bobby Von Dongledwank from Los Angeles California is one of many to be interviewed about the strange sounds coming through his radio...Here is a short excerpt from Becky's interview with him.

Becky: So like, I mean, you totally like heard shet coming through ur radio? That's so fucked? I mean like, I would like. TOTALLY. Chron. If I heard shet like that, right?

Bobby: Uh. Yeah.? Sorry, I know I already asked- and seriously im TOTALLY not trying to be offensive, but you're a real interviewer? Like, for a news station?

Becky: *visibly not down* Are you fucking serious?

Bobby: *immediately uncomfortable* uh, Ahem. S-sorry becky.

Becky: That's right betch.

Bobby: K, so anyways, about your question...Yeah, I was totally just chillin' listening to my fav radio station, wreckyourface fm and like, suddenly these crazy sounds started cutting in, like...

Becky: *whisperish, really interested voice* Oh mae gaaawd...? (leaning in curious)

Bobby: Yeah like, honestly, to tell you the truth, it just sounded like- like..

Becky: Like wut bobbee?

Bobby: Like a really. Intense. RAVE.

Becky: oh. maee. GAWWWDD!!--becky's SOOOO down!!

Bobby: YEAH like! I started rockin out so hard in my truck, I literally lost my shit! Like the phattest beats I've ever heard in my life. And it sounded like tons of people screaming in joy at the top of their lungs and the sound of tons and tons of people jumping up and down to the beat of the music! Man....I wish I could find out where they were transmitting from...I'm so down?

Becky: Well Bobby....*really genuine but cracked out becky smile* I heard something interesting from my girl Cindy....I heard, and I'm not bonkers, trust me. This vortex thing that's eating up the world? I heard, that's where it goes... It goes to this little void in the universe where people come from all walks of life, and rock the fuck out in a unified state of euphoria.

Bobby: But when do you think it'll hit Toronto? How..-how long do we have? HOW LONG?!

Becky: I heard it's gonna slam us hard in may.

Bobby:   :O !!!

WELL THERE YOU HAVE IT BABES. STRAIGHT FROM THE MOUTH OF THE  GOD OF PARTYING HERSELF. This crazy Vortex is gonna come and suck us all away into an ultimate party in the middle of the universe for one night in May.

I heard the stars and planets are beautiful out there....
-BeckyComm News Sunday April 1, 2012. 1:16pm.